Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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