Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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