My first STD was from a foam party
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
