i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize