Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
