4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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