Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
