You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
