This is not my ceiling
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
