I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
