capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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