Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
