I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize