and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
