I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
