If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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