I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
