12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Panties = found
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
