can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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