I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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