it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize