I CAN MOONWALK!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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