Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
