Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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