It was confusing and full of hummus
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
