I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
