Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
God I need to hump something, right now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize