you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize