I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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