i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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