2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am available for nakedness
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
