you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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