Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
