I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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