her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
