RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
