She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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