so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
