Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
