I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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