I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
