She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
