It's Friday. Sex?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
