somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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