Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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