No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
