he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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