Cold hands, warm shart.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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