I puked a lego.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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