yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
