Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
