he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
