____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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