Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
