you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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