Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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