I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
