It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
