dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
