dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
