seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
