i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
