I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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