i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize