Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
