did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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