hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
