I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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