he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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