Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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