Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
